yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
