3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
