Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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