just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
