ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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