I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
