I'm drive I can fine osifer
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize