I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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