i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
