Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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