I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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