last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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