Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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