bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize