I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I could fuck to npr.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
