My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
