Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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