Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
