you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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