I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
