I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
