if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
