I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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