Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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