You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
