I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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