I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
