I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
