I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
