I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize