I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
