so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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