My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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