i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
