you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
