xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
