If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
