I just saw a hot homeless man
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
