I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize