While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
