Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
