I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
