There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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