I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
