I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
