Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
