I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
