You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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