College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
