ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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