Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
