time to smoke my breakfast
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
