I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
