he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
