I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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