party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
