Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
