she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
