Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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