My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
