I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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