Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize