If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
