Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
