just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
