Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
